Unusal musings on more mature Polyamory

As promised from a previous post.

So around Valentine’s day something that occurred to me.  Most women see a wedding ring from a mile away and then back off completely where a man is concerned.  The same is not the case for women as there is a high population of men that find a married woman to be very attractive to having an affair with them.  I know, odd thought for Valentines day.  But here where it gets even more unusual.  My wife and I have an open relationship primarily because we love each other and respect each other so that fidelity is not a problem or a concern.  You can love more than one person at a time and most humans do.  That is a bit of a background.

 

The thing that I was discussing with my wife is that symbolism of the ring.  Although, I don’t mind and occasionally would like to have intimate relationships outside of my marriage, I don’t feel comfortable in removing my wedding ring.  I am not much of a jewelry person anyway but I just take it off when working with my hands and showering and at night as I don’t like wearing it when sleeping.  It is much like wearing a necklace when sleeping,   But I digress.

 

The main issue that I have found in social settings is this: Many women will see a wedding ring and steer clear even if they themselves are Poly or know how Polyamory works.  This is an interesting phenomenon.           I queried my wife as to why she thinks this happens.  She told me that women are more vicious and vindictive than men.  We talked a bit more about this.  (WARNING SWEEPING GENARIZATIONS)  From what I gathered from the conversation is that women are more territorial than men as far as boyfriend/girlfriend, FWB, and other relationships that are more intimate than friendship only.  This even extends to looking for a tan line or indentation line for a ring, should I take off the ring. 

 

So the major question for those that are Poly or have dealt with Polyamory:  How does one get past this social stigma?  What sort of symbolism would indicate Married but in an open relationship?  Racking the gray matter on this and I have found that for men there is no such animal.  Most women that are Poly still will steer clear (in a general sense) for fear of treading on another woman’s territory and facing the wrath of the man’s primary relationship.  Our society is not yet this open it seems. 

 

The reason why this came up is that my wife has had relationships in the past and although I am poly only once have I had a relationship outside our marriage and that was a unavoidably short one.  I am generally a content person that has a tendency of avoiding “Drama” unconsciously and have no ability to tell when a woman is hitting on me unless she is blatant with it.  My friends sort of shake their heads and have to hit me over my head with the subtleties of it and I am a naturally shy person.  Almost no dating experience in High School and very little in College is in part to blame for my shyness.  But that coupled with the stigma mentioned earlier is having a tendency of making me look like a monogamous person and since I am not active about looking for anyone new it doesn’t come across that I might be interested.  Ah, well.  Sometimes management of more than one relationship can be tricky but it can also shake one out of their own preconceived notions.

 

Rant/Question/random observation is completed.

 

Dave