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Yet another Disjointed post
Apr. 2nd, 2004 06:44 pmYes that's right. Yet another post that not many people will understand.
Well, The saga of before continues. I found out that the previous rule breaking that was done on my relationship was even more harsh. A bit more frequent but in the wrong way that people would think. It bounds to almost unforgiveability. But I can forgive my wife. And I will, just need to get over the shock of it. One good Quote paraphrased for my convience:
"If you are true to your love, Your love will be true to you."
Basically it is love that matters. Do I love my wife more or less for betraying my trust? Neither. More or less was never the issue. Do I still love her? Yes, a most resounding yes. Do I trust her? (thinking, I'm thinking) Yes I do.
How does what has been done change my love for my wife? Ah, Now that is the key question.
For you see Love takes many forms. So many that I think we need an entire new lexicon for just that emotion or set of emotions. Will any human language create it? No, we are to afraid as humans to do so. Sometimes defining something is a very bad thing to do. Instintively, I feel we all know this. Though it is tempting.
But, I diverse. The changing of one's love? How does it change? Love can be painful, sorrowful, exciting, and lustful. This and many more.
How does one that has had their trust betrayed..
No can't really finish that thougt, Must be my own defense mechinisms distracting me, for I have lost that train of thought.
How did my love change for my wife? Now that is a hard one to answer. Much like Neo's session with the Oracle. "You are not here to make a descision but to understand a descision that you have already made."
Yes, I need to understand how my love for my wife has changed once I have integrated this new knowledge. For, Much like energy in the universe, Love is never lost, just changed. Hate is even, ironicly, a form of love. Fancy that.
Ok, I think my mind is distracting me enough. How has my love for my wife changed? Where is it evolving? For like everything, Love is every changing. Arrg, another distracting thought. Ok, I guess I will give up on that and just ramble. Some questions can't be answered without deep meditation or something. Or even heavy thought.
I guess to my credit I still fearcly love my wife. And still do not want to diminish her happyness.
That counts for something, yes.
I can see that this is going to take time to assimilate and understand how I feel and how I am changing to this new event. I also need to think and understand how my wife is changing and the like too. Holisticly it is a enigmatic nightmare.
Sigh.
For the record I have never thought of emulating the breaking of the rules in the manor of my wife and I have never wanted to hurt her with my actions. We are all powerless when faced with our base natures. Understanding what that is is a constant human or sentient battle.
Enough rambling gotta go.
Dave
(and people wonder why my computer name is Matrix
Well, The saga of before continues. I found out that the previous rule breaking that was done on my relationship was even more harsh. A bit more frequent but in the wrong way that people would think. It bounds to almost unforgiveability. But I can forgive my wife. And I will, just need to get over the shock of it. One good Quote paraphrased for my convience:
"If you are true to your love, Your love will be true to you."
Basically it is love that matters. Do I love my wife more or less for betraying my trust? Neither. More or less was never the issue. Do I still love her? Yes, a most resounding yes. Do I trust her? (thinking, I'm thinking) Yes I do.
How does what has been done change my love for my wife? Ah, Now that is the key question.
For you see Love takes many forms. So many that I think we need an entire new lexicon for just that emotion or set of emotions. Will any human language create it? No, we are to afraid as humans to do so. Sometimes defining something is a very bad thing to do. Instintively, I feel we all know this. Though it is tempting.
But, I diverse. The changing of one's love? How does it change? Love can be painful, sorrowful, exciting, and lustful. This and many more.
How does one that has had their trust betrayed..
No can't really finish that thougt, Must be my own defense mechinisms distracting me, for I have lost that train of thought.
How did my love change for my wife? Now that is a hard one to answer. Much like Neo's session with the Oracle. "You are not here to make a descision but to understand a descision that you have already made."
Yes, I need to understand how my love for my wife has changed once I have integrated this new knowledge. For, Much like energy in the universe, Love is never lost, just changed. Hate is even, ironicly, a form of love. Fancy that.
Ok, I think my mind is distracting me enough. How has my love for my wife changed? Where is it evolving? For like everything, Love is every changing. Arrg, another distracting thought. Ok, I guess I will give up on that and just ramble. Some questions can't be answered without deep meditation or something. Or even heavy thought.
I guess to my credit I still fearcly love my wife. And still do not want to diminish her happyness.
That counts for something, yes.
I can see that this is going to take time to assimilate and understand how I feel and how I am changing to this new event. I also need to think and understand how my wife is changing and the like too. Holisticly it is a enigmatic nightmare.
Sigh.
For the record I have never thought of emulating the breaking of the rules in the manor of my wife and I have never wanted to hurt her with my actions. We are all powerless when faced with our base natures. Understanding what that is is a constant human or sentient battle.
Enough rambling gotta go.
Dave
(and people wonder why my computer name is Matrix