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Apr. 13th, 2006 04:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
matrix4bI was watching TV the other day and it hit me. Why do men enjoy watching men fight? This is some source of confusion to me. The only thing that I can really say is that some (meaning most) men enjoy seeing men hurt because on a primitive level they are seen as rivals. Kill the rivals, is the primitive thought. So that situation is understood. Just one more random thought on that. Now for other things on my mind.
Weird mood on hold from previous situation. Love exists but cannot be expressed. Below is just ramblings on the subject.
I must say that it is hard to fall in love with some one and need to back off for circumstance. But if you think about it if you love someone then controling your emotions is needed. I am just freinds with a person that I want as more than that. The reason of backing off is that they will be moving soon and wont potentially be back in town for 2 years. If then as a lot can happen in 2 years. The other reason is the person has been hurt many times by a dating situation nearly identicle to the current. No time to build up the trust as building up trust takes time an patients. I have those. I also know that I have the love neccessary to prove that the new situation wont be like the last. At it's heart the simple fact of the matter what I feel is not important and What I know about myself is not important. The heart trusts only what it sees and it is too soon to see that I am geniune in my feelings. That and she is afaid of loosing my freindship and is starting dating another. This confuses the situation. So I just need to back off and just be the best friend that I know how. And be there for her, dispite the feelings of wanting more. Such is the real nature of love: If you love someone you cannot contain them or limit their heart or mind. If you expressing that love limits them then you cannot express that love. Just love and expect nothing. Hope is what I have. Hope that she will be happy and that in the future I can be a part of that happiness. If I am bringing pain or discomfort then it needs to be fixed. So when asked directly she wanted friendship only. That is what I will do my best to be. Am I gelous of the other relationship? No. Am I wanting to have a relationship? yes. The thing that complicates things even more is the simple fact that I am in a primary relationship with my wife and this new woman would be a secondary. A secondary to my primary relationship and she doesn't have a primary relationship. I love her enough to say with out a doubt that she deserves a primary relationship and if this reawakening is a road to that then I step back out of the situation and just be a friend that happens to be extreemly atracted to her and have been wanting to make love to her for over a week. But this is not something that is wanted of me, I sense. So I cannot aproch her physically and asking her what she means by just freinds. Much as I was reminded by seeing my ex-girlfriend/lover my love will not fade. I still love every woman I ever fell in love with. Which is about 5 total. My first, second, the one that was right before my wife, My wife and this new woman. That is a pretty short list but I usually takes a woman hitting me over the head with her inerest in her.
Ok, I will stop rambling now.
All fr now.
Dave
Weird mood on hold from previous situation. Love exists but cannot be expressed. Below is just ramblings on the subject.
I must say that it is hard to fall in love with some one and need to back off for circumstance. But if you think about it if you love someone then controling your emotions is needed. I am just freinds with a person that I want as more than that. The reason of backing off is that they will be moving soon and wont potentially be back in town for 2 years. If then as a lot can happen in 2 years. The other reason is the person has been hurt many times by a dating situation nearly identicle to the current. No time to build up the trust as building up trust takes time an patients. I have those. I also know that I have the love neccessary to prove that the new situation wont be like the last. At it's heart the simple fact of the matter what I feel is not important and What I know about myself is not important. The heart trusts only what it sees and it is too soon to see that I am geniune in my feelings. That and she is afaid of loosing my freindship and is starting dating another. This confuses the situation. So I just need to back off and just be the best friend that I know how. And be there for her, dispite the feelings of wanting more. Such is the real nature of love: If you love someone you cannot contain them or limit their heart or mind. If you expressing that love limits them then you cannot express that love. Just love and expect nothing. Hope is what I have. Hope that she will be happy and that in the future I can be a part of that happiness. If I am bringing pain or discomfort then it needs to be fixed. So when asked directly she wanted friendship only. That is what I will do my best to be. Am I gelous of the other relationship? No. Am I wanting to have a relationship? yes. The thing that complicates things even more is the simple fact that I am in a primary relationship with my wife and this new woman would be a secondary. A secondary to my primary relationship and she doesn't have a primary relationship. I love her enough to say with out a doubt that she deserves a primary relationship and if this reawakening is a road to that then I step back out of the situation and just be a friend that happens to be extreemly atracted to her and have been wanting to make love to her for over a week. But this is not something that is wanted of me, I sense. So I cannot aproch her physically and asking her what she means by just freinds. Much as I was reminded by seeing my ex-girlfriend/lover my love will not fade. I still love every woman I ever fell in love with. Which is about 5 total. My first, second, the one that was right before my wife, My wife and this new woman. That is a pretty short list but I usually takes a woman hitting me over the head with her inerest in her.
Ok, I will stop rambling now.
All fr now.
Dave