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Musings on Poly
Aug. 1st, 2006 02:35 pmA recent post in a friends Journal has me thinking about what Poly is and all issues that surround it. Many many dynamics are possible. Also some definitions vary by the person. Poly usually involves having relationships of an intimate nature with more than one person. Sexual and gender and preferential issues and differences aside that is what it usually boils down to. I am not going to go into the details of MY Definitions yet as I have not yet decided much on those and many are subject to change.
The main issue that I am running into is a matter of social interactions and availability and interest. I have always wanted to be a very social person but lacked due to shyness and an inability to overcome my own image of my body and it’s attractiveness to the opposite sex as I am strait. Growing up Fat does that to one. Combine that with having relatively plain features that are not striking and a pot belly that has been with me since age 8. I could go on and tell of other live events and physicalities that have crafted me into the person that I am but I wont. Suffice to say I don’t have a broad background on the social mate attraction/interest situation. Life has also crafted me to be with out the skills to recognize when a woman is interested in me with out her needing to be aggressive enough to hit me over the head with her interest. I have also been described as vanilla or “Disney” in my attitudes much that I hate the term “Disney” when used in this manor, particularly used as a description of me. But I digress.
This all total does not provide with much in the way of supporting the Poly lifestyle. It wasn’t even until about 10 years ago that the whole idea of being Poly was not some evil thing or non-natural. When in fact it is very normal and natural. It conveys a level of trust and love that is usually beyond the ken of the whole “couple’s only” crowd.
I have long thought about what Monogamy and Polyamory means and determined that I am indeed Poly but lack the background for many relationships. Heart is willing but since I decided what path I wanted I have only be able to do so briefly. Situational trouble with moves and interest waning away from me to another is what stopped it. A few weeks of it was all I was able to experience. I have long been in the habit that if someone’s happiness is not what someone wants me to give then no matter my feelings I let them go and “Love from Afar” as it were. I have never fallen out of love and still love everyone that I had truly loved before, about 5 girlfriends and some female friends that I have never formed a relationship beyond close friendship with. Even so love takes many forms and does change into different types of love or many types of love at the same time.
So here lies the problem or question: Can someone that is Celibate or not involved with another relationship than one be Poly and be a part of a Poly Lifestyle. Yes to the description but it feels a hollow description without the action involved, particularly give the lack of experience with being Poly. I know how I feel but circumstances are not good for making a case for preference. I know, I don’t need to justify my feelings and descriptions of what I am. Hey, I am human.
The post of a friends journal got me thinking about it is all. I may post on this again but enough for now.
The main issue that I am running into is a matter of social interactions and availability and interest. I have always wanted to be a very social person but lacked due to shyness and an inability to overcome my own image of my body and it’s attractiveness to the opposite sex as I am strait. Growing up Fat does that to one. Combine that with having relatively plain features that are not striking and a pot belly that has been with me since age 8. I could go on and tell of other live events and physicalities that have crafted me into the person that I am but I wont. Suffice to say I don’t have a broad background on the social mate attraction/interest situation. Life has also crafted me to be with out the skills to recognize when a woman is interested in me with out her needing to be aggressive enough to hit me over the head with her interest. I have also been described as vanilla or “Disney” in my attitudes much that I hate the term “Disney” when used in this manor, particularly used as a description of me. But I digress.
This all total does not provide with much in the way of supporting the Poly lifestyle. It wasn’t even until about 10 years ago that the whole idea of being Poly was not some evil thing or non-natural. When in fact it is very normal and natural. It conveys a level of trust and love that is usually beyond the ken of the whole “couple’s only” crowd.
I have long thought about what Monogamy and Polyamory means and determined that I am indeed Poly but lack the background for many relationships. Heart is willing but since I decided what path I wanted I have only be able to do so briefly. Situational trouble with moves and interest waning away from me to another is what stopped it. A few weeks of it was all I was able to experience. I have long been in the habit that if someone’s happiness is not what someone wants me to give then no matter my feelings I let them go and “Love from Afar” as it were. I have never fallen out of love and still love everyone that I had truly loved before, about 5 girlfriends and some female friends that I have never formed a relationship beyond close friendship with. Even so love takes many forms and does change into different types of love or many types of love at the same time.
So here lies the problem or question: Can someone that is Celibate or not involved with another relationship than one be Poly and be a part of a Poly Lifestyle. Yes to the description but it feels a hollow description without the action involved, particularly give the lack of experience with being Poly. I know how I feel but circumstances are not good for making a case for preference. I know, I don’t need to justify my feelings and descriptions of what I am. Hey, I am human.
The post of a friends journal got me thinking about it is all. I may post on this again but enough for now.
