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Ran into an old freind (ok lover too)

Last night stirred up many memories for me. It also reminded me that I still cannot fall out of love. From one perspective it is an admirable thing, I supose, but from another it can entirely suck. I still had no clear idea of why she broke up with me at the time. Things were somewhat unresolved. But when I do love someone and they do not want to be with me then I realize that I need to let them go and find happyness elsewhere. The following is a poem that I wrote around that time that if memory serves was about her and the frustration of other people tearing love apart and trying to examine it. I discovered it after I moved.

Banality's Quest by David Forby

How many petals does a rose have?
Another one goes fluttering to the floor.

A small peice of the whole gone.
All of those groping hands are wrong.

How many petals does a rose have?
Riped away and cast aside.

The hands take a slice of potential,
Taking te rose's petals is detramenal.

How many petals does a rose haev?
Thorns are no protection to a hand.

I grasp the stem careless of the thorns
dripping blood to fend them off.

How many petals does a rose have?
The hands with faces want to know.

Unasked, I'd bat them away,
Seeing and not destroying isn't their way.

How many petals does a rose have?
Another falls to the floor, sucked of life.

I try to protect it's beautiful grace,
Knowing I can't help, I can't keep up with the pace.

How many petals does a rose have?!
I don't want to find out!

Don't they realize what a threat they pose,
to find out is the death of a rose.

How many petals does a rose have?!

That is the poem. Kinda in a funky mood now. My wife is woried about me and my funk. I can tell. We have an open relationship and I am in a position that a relationship that was developing got nearly stopped cold by circomstance. And I see and kinda catch up with a woman who was my lover before my wife and feel the old feelings come back. It is very weird. I almost expected her to not want to talk to me after the last few times we say each other about 5 years ago. Still, It has reminded me that I don't fall out of love and need to sort my feelings out again. Yes I would still be freinds with her and the past relationship may never again be revitalized or even talked about. Such is life. It moves forward and atempting to go backward only strips the gears. At least we do get to look in the rearview mirror occasionally.



matrix4b: (Default)

October 2012



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